I am not a professional writer.
I am not a professional musician.
I am a barely functioning adult with an internet connection, a passion for music and a highly-active brain that is beginning to reach maximum capacity.
So, after clearing that up, I’d like to introduce myself formally to you.
My name is Beck Taylor and, at the moment of writing this, I am a 22 year old person living on the south coast of England. I work at my local hospital during the day and in my free time I am working towards releasing my debut EP “Clean Break” at The Talking Heads in Southampton. Any other spare minute I can get I am composing scores for my film-maker friends, writing songs and also rehearsing with my upcoming band project Threat System.
I look pretty busy, right?
My life, in comparison to the constant barrage of thoughts in my head, looks tame.
I have always been a semi-academic. In using this term I (personally) mean that I enjoy the concept of studying and gaining new knowledge but I struggle with my short lived attention span and similarly challenged motivation too much to actually conventionally study.
This is why I’m starting this blog.
(When I say “starting” I mean, it’s more likely that this will be the only post on it for the first few years.)
You see, I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) a year back and depression about a year and a half prior to that, which means that I repress and/or internalise a lot of my feelings and thoughts for fear of either triggering myself or causing others to needlessly worry about me respectively.
Though I have gone through CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and come out the other side having reduced my levels of both my GAD and depression, I still find myself struggling with having an over-active brain.
I have always been a thoughtful person. I mean this both in the sense that I consider the feelings and thoughts of other people and act/react sensitively to them and also in a way that means I over-think things. While I cannot control the questions I ask myself at four in the morning when I’m trying to sleep, I can tell you that I have noticed they all seem to be related.
I blame my current cognitive restlessness on the fact that I did not completely the university degree that I started three years ago.
In 2014 I enrolled at Winchester University to study English and Drama and Theatre Studies Combined BA (Hons). However, after struggling through a complete and utter avalanche of mental health problems in my first year, I came to the decision that studying a degree that was to lead me into teaching as a back up plan to becoming a musician was not the right place for me at that time.
The curiosity and critical thinking that it takes to strip apart scripts and articles and scenes and the outward appearance of a piece, be it on paper or on stage, never quite left me.
So I began to let the over-analytical, semi-academic, thoroughly wasted student inside of me start picking apart everything else.
This is how I got here. I need somewhere to post these musings.
Sometimes it may be auto-biographical, like this post, sometimes it may be poetry or lyrics that I’m working on and sometimes it’ll be an essay about something completely arbitrary but rest assured, I will be posting here about my greatest passion; music and my quest to fill my life with it.
I don’t expect you to stick around and listen to me rant but, if you do, I hope that you find something noteworthy in my musings.